Undergrad and Other Adventures

Know yourself to lead yourself.

This past year has been the most transformative chapter of my life story. From completing my undergraduate degree to choosing career paths to coping with changing relationships, introspection has been the main theme of my past year. As a quick recap, I started grad school, had to leave my first ever roommate, led an extracurricular organization, started two jobs in the spring, and completed my Bachelor's degree (which was much more emotional than you would think for someone who still has to deal with assignments and 11:59 pm deadlines for another year).

More than anything, this year has been a learning experience. Here are 5 life lessons that carried me through the odyssey that was my senior year of college:

1: Know Yourself to Lead Yourself

Introspection is not something I have always been comfortable with. Everyone can relate to stuffing emotions and problems in a box and filing it away in the far corner of your mind and swearing you'll "get to it later." Turns out, to get to the real root of issues, you have to think about what happened, your feelings and reaction to what happened, and why you felt that way. Whether you are coping with a personal situation, workplace conflicts, or problems with friends and family, you can't expect someone else to understand you if you don't properly understand yourself.

In order to constantly be improving and growing as a professional, a friend, and most importantly, a human being, you have to know yourself. All the growth I have gone through during the past year has stemmed from taking a deeper look at myself and understanding my *shudder* feelings to lead myself to better things.

2: Fail Forward

This is something that I heard in one of my 6 am spin classes when I was just trying not to fall off the bike. In between trying to catch a breath and trying to be at the top of the leaderboard, this saying stuck out to me. To me, mistakes had no redeeming qualities. Making them was like laughing with a drink in your mouth and having it come out your nose, embarrassing and painful. I had to have a major mindset shift when I began my internship. One of my coworkers asked me, "Are you messing up? Good. That's what we want." It's funny how cliches can be pushed in your face for years and you still won't believe them until one comment from one person hits you.

Failing is a learning process. I didn't understand that until I failed on something that didn't give me a grade back. Grades seem so strongly tied to your self-value that it can be hard to realize how insignificant one of them is as a student. When I started my internship, I messed something up but there was no number or comment that told me how good or bad I did. There was just one understanding supervisor that said "It's ok, just do it like this from now on." And that's when I really understood that we can make progress through mistakes; we can fail forward.

3: Trust Your Instincts, You Have Them for a Reason.

During the transitory stage of going from a student to a paid professional, it can be difficult to find the value in your own knowledge. Which is funny considering how much we paid for it. It took me many more weeks than it should have to realize that I didn't need to "just check" every little detail with a supervisor. We have knowledge and ideas of our own that are good because we are smart.

Outside of a professional setting, it is great to go to friends and family that you trust to ask for advice. That's what they are there for and it is important to have guiding principles that you can rely on and people whose opinions you value. However, at the end of the day, you are the only one with your experiences. You can make the right decision that no one else sees; you can make a decision based on your feelings that doesn't line up with logic; you can do all this because you are you. Trust in yourself allows you to take new paths, make new discoveries, and become your own person in the fullest form.

4: Be Vulnerable

There is a theory in social studies called the self-preservation motivation theory. It explains that people do certain things, or do not do certain things, to protect themselves. Vulnerability is rare because this goes directly against the deeply ingrained concept of self-preservation. But, it's essential in growing fulfilling relationships. I have yet to meet someone who just adores making small talk. Even I love meeting new people, but the surface-level conversations that you have to have before you can trust someone with the nitty-gritty stuff are painfully meaningless.

Vulnerability, though it might be uncomfortable, opens doors for deep, trusting relationships that bring a sense of, ironically, security and comfort. If you are worried about keeping someone, the last thing you want to do is put yourself in a vulnerable situation where you could lose them. But once you do that, you will either find that they are not nearly as important as you thought, or that even in a situation outside of your control, they chose you too. I found relationships mean a lot more when you are vulnerable and don't always do the "safe" thing. To wrap this one up, I'll just put it in a nice cliché: if you love 'em, let 'em go. You'll find your greatest supporters and lose those praying on your downfall.

5: You Can Do Hard Things

This last lesson didn't so much help me through the past year as it will help me through the coming years. There's been enough of the sugar-coated "I'm so grateful for my college experience" and "I am thrilled to announce I will be continuing on to get my Master's degree." in the posts on LinkedIn. I am of course incredibly grateful for everything that has been given to me. But stuff is hard. And for the most part of the past semester, I was not grateful for it and looked a little too far into how to quit. Thankfully, I have some pacts made with friends that helped me make it through. But what I realized one day during spring break, was that even in my free time I was looking for challenges to take on to occupy myself. Sometimes it was a big book, other times it was updating this website, or sometimes I just wanted to get ahead on homework. Outside of realizing I was a complete nerd for wanting to do school on my spring break, I realized that no matter how much I complain, I love a good challenge. Furthermore, I can almost always get through it.

It is easy to diminish our own accomplishments and be intimidated by challenges we haven't yet beat. But, it's important to realize that we have already done incredibly difficult things that not everyone could have done because of our unique gifts. And that we can do the next hard thing. We have done hard things before and we will keep doing hard things, whether we like it or not, for the rest of our life. Look at the next task and realize you can do it. It is hard, but you are talented in so many ways, and you can do it.

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Special thanks to the people who are responsible for me graduating college: Mom, Dad, Ryan, Rebecca (I looked at all your encouraging notes every day), Avery, Taylor, Audrey, Anna, Claire, Aly, Mira, Ellen, Lee, Cyclebar, Michaela, Lily, My Sweet Boo Baby (my cat), and the $6 strawberry salad from Braum's.